What I see in the mirror: Paul Morley
This article titled “What I see in the mirror: Paul Morley” was written by Paul Morley, for The Guardian on Saturday 5th February 2011 00.02 UTCWhen I look in the mirror, I have an image in my head – usually of a piercing intellectual gaze like Samual Beckett’s – so I’m a bit surprised when I don’t see it.
For a while, I would see my dad looking back at me. He had the dashing look of the actor Michael Rennie. My dad died when he was 40 and had jet-black hair, so when I grew older than he ever was, I had to get used to a middle age he hadn’t prepared me for.
My dad committed suicide because he was depressed. He didn’t have a particular job, and by the end of his life he was largely unemployed. When I look in the mirror and see a hint of sadness in my eye, it is a warning. I always go out of my way to find things in life that give me meaning and purpose, a reason to get up.
Bob Hope said that middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle, and that started to happen to me during the 80s. At 30, I had a 30-inch waist; at 38 it suddenly went to 38 inches. I stopped eating so much because I thought I’d have a 50-inch waist by 50. I remember a review once pointed out that I had a double chin and I was staggered because it had never occurred to me that I had such a thing.
Looking in the mirror, I still see what I hoped I’d always see – an enthusiast. As you get old and wrinkles come, sometimes you feel that it’s a sign that you are getting tired, but I don’t. I think that every day is the best time of my life.
guardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2010
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